Hypochondriac

I haven't blogged in a few days... this has been a crazy week for me. Here's a little info about me... I work in a clinic. I have been working in the healthcare industry for over 12 years. Why? It pays the bills... because if it didn't, I'd be GONE!!! I'm am the biggest hypochondriac known to man. You have a cold.... I can instantly feel a fever coming on. You have the flu.... I got a stomach ache. A friend of mine called me and told me her daughter had mono.... my throat instantly closed up. I went and got checked because a friend of mine told me she knew someone who had an STD. Whatever it is, I immediately get the symptoms. I have no idea why I haven't been fired yet.

So it's all over the media.... Swine Flu... aka H1N1.... aka what the hell and how can I avoid it? I was out of work for two days (due to something else) but when I get back to work, I had a swarm of emails talking about the swine flu... the more I read... the more symptoms I developed. By the time I had cleared out my Inbox, I was unable to breathe and I was on my way to get my 2 year old out of daycare. I didn't go back to work that day.... But when I did go back, the parking lot was full. I knew exactly what that was from... people were here because they had symptoms or thought they had symptoms... so I entered the building from the back. I passed by 2 patients on my way to the entrance and wondered if they noticed I held my breath until I was about 20 ft away. I almost passed out!!!

My boss made an announcement that we are being given "special face masks" to wear should we come in contact with a patient with a positive result. I put that thing on right away!! I don't even work with the direct public but I didn't care. I honestly wanted a mask that went over my whole head and pumped in oxygen. I don't care if I sounded like Darth Vader!!! Give it to me!!! Sure enough I started getting symptoms by Friday. I knew it was all in my head but I sat at my desk all day on Friday with my mask on and the only time I would take it off was to take my temperature. I know everyone that passed my cubicle thought I was all the way crazy!

Now I'm contemplating calling in crazy on Monday to work... I don't think I will be able to keep a sane mind! I am the person that puts 4-5 seat covers on the toilet... I am the person that flushes the toilet with my foot... I am the person that washes her hands, opens the bathroom door with a paper towel AND uses the antibacterial gel.... I am a Hypochondriac!

Please comment this blog and tell me how you handle it?? =o)

What NOT to do when panicking!!!

1. Talk to random people... you end up crying and they think you're more crazy than what you really are.

2. Get in a car and drive... the car next to you see's you all puffy eyed and snot nose and stares at you the whole time you're on 101.

3. CALL YOUR BABY DADDY!... this gives him ammunition to take your ass back to court and get custody of the kids.

4. Make eye contact with the police... you will get pulled over and have to do a sobriety test which makes you cry more!

and last but not least...

5. Start laughing during the middle of a panic attack... You can text your friends goodbye becauswe you're now on a 72 hour EPS watch.

So I will be blogging in 3 days or so.... Have a good one!

Booger Bacon

Ok... so I went to Safeway last night to get a few things for my mom cuz she is sick... well I've been so into the Twilight series that I was on my last few chapters of the last book. I wanted to finish and didn't want to cook dinner.... so I sent Jennae to the deli to get some sandwiches. Jennae had asked for a large sandwich but the lady made a small... when I got there I noticed it was a small and asked the lady if she could make another. She got a little huffy and repeated my question, "Another?" and I said yes. So she apologized to the lady behind me and yelled out for some help. She grabbed some bacon and threw it on to the wax paper to put in the microwave. Then she slightly turned her head and said "aaaachoo, aaaaachoo".... I wasn't too sure if she sneezed or not cuz she didn't really turn her head fully.... so I asked Jennae, "Did she sneeze?" and right when I said that the deli lady sniffled and sneezed again. So I said, "Excuse me, Ma'am. Yeah, thank you but I don't want the sandwich" And she said, "What? You don't want the sandwich?" And I said, "Well no because you sneezed and didn't cover your mouth. Once sneezes hit the air they spead and expand and I just don't think that's too sanitary" so she asked me if I wanted another and I said thank you but no... and as I walked away she mumbled some shit under her breath. It wasn't loud enough for me to hear but the ladies in line heard... one walked away with me and said, "I'm right behind you... that was disgusting and she was rude"... the other lady stayed. So I went to check out and I asked to speak to the manager... I was explaining to the manager what had happened when all of a sudden I see the lady that stayed in line come running across the store yelling, "YOU ARE LYING!!!!" She told the manager that she witnessed everything... here's how the conversation went.

Crazy lady: "She offered you another sandwich"
Me: "Yeah I said that but I lost my appetite because she sneezed and didn't cover her mouth"
Crazy lady: "She turned her head"
Me: "Well then you eat it"
Crazy lady: "I am!"
Me: "Good! Enjoy your booger bacon" and I waved my hand at her as if to scoot her away from me
Crazy lady: "I will"
Me: "Ok.. you can leave now" And then I started talking to the manager again and explained to her what had happened, then.....
Crazy lady: "THAT'S BULLSHIT!!!!"

I slammed down the ATM pen and got in her face (so close I could smell the booger bacon) and said, "Excuse me!!! I have kids here!!!" The manager and clerk had to split us up and walk the crazy lady back to the deli... I paid for my stuff. I don't even know how much it was... if people were smart they would have scooted their groceries over to my side and had me pay for them... I was so mad that when we got to the car I told Jennae to put Jayden in the trunk... I meant to say carseat... You should have seen Jennae's face when I said that.... I dug in my trunk for the tire iron but all I could find was the ice scraper for the windows. It'll do. I waited for the crazy lady for 10 minutes but she never came out the store.

Moral of the story.... don't fuck with a mom in front of her kids especially when she's hungry!!! (not hungry enough for booger bacon though) Don't trip, I got her face in my memory... When I see her again, it's going to be all bad.