What NOT to do when panicking!!!

1. Talk to random people... you end up crying and they think you're more crazy than what you really are.

2. Get in a car and drive... the car next to you see's you all puffy eyed and snot nose and stares at you the whole time you're on 101.

3. CALL YOUR BABY DADDY!... this gives him ammunition to take your ass back to court and get custody of the kids.

4. Make eye contact with the police... you will get pulled over and have to do a sobriety test which makes you cry more!

and last but not least...

5. Start laughing during the middle of a panic attack... You can text your friends goodbye becauswe you're now on a 72 hour EPS watch.

So I will be blogging in 3 days or so.... Have a good one!

Today feels like a Monday

I ripped my pants in the booty today on my way to work. Right down the middle. I had to go home and change. That's how my day started and it hasn't gotten better. And that's all I have to say about today. Glad it's almost over.

Movie Reviews

In Theaters
Earth- Rated G

A+

This movie is perfect for all ages. It is narrated by James Earl Jones. It will make you laugh and cry. Disney did a wonderful job capturing this wildlife up close and personal. You get a view of all different types of animals, from the small bird to the gigantic whales. And Disney never ceases to amaze the audience with beautiful scenery from around the world. It had some scenes in there that dealt with death, however, it was appropriate for the younger audience. I definitely recommend this movie as a must see.

On DVD or HBO

Death Sentence- Rated R

C-

This movie was about a man who took revenge on a gang that killed his son for a gang initiation. The dad, Kevin Bacon, played a square bear in the movie and single handily took out a well known notorious gang. Great plot, just a little too unrealistic for me. He started out in the movie wearing a suit and tie and ended in the movie wearing all black and he shaved his head looking like a cross between a chemo patient and a lesbian with a butch cut. After he took out all the members of this gang, he himself was shot a few times, so he sat on a bench to rest... the gang leader was also shot and sat on the bench next to him. As they're panting and bleeding, Kevin Bacon took out another gun and asked him if he was ready and the gang leader bowed his head and cried. You've got to be kidding me! But it had a sufficient amount of blood and guts. This movie will definitely have you saying "Oh snap!" or "Watch out, Run!!" through the whole movie. Only recommend this movie if there is nothing else on TV or your boyfriend is tired of chick flicks.

Date Night

I have a date tonight!!! And it's with one of the most beautiful people I know... My daughter, Jayden. I can't wait!!! We're going to the movies to see Earth. I will let you all know how it is...



Have a great day!!

NBC is EVIL!!!!

I don't know if any of you are fans of the Biggest Loser like I am. I wouldn't say I am a diehard fan but I like to watch it when I can. I was asked one time if I would ever be a contestant on the show... and my answer was HELL NO!!!! They asked me why and here is my reason....



The Biggest Loser puts these people who are weighing in the high 200's to mid 300's in sports bras and biker shorts. What the hell were these producers thinking?? Talk about strip you of your dignity!!! There is no amount of money- NONE- that would get me to go on national television in biker shorts and a sports bra!!!! And the men are worse... they are in fitted basketball shorts and NO SHIRT!!! And 100% of them have dick-do (when their belly's stick out further than their dick do). Just plain nasty! So after degrading them a little, they have them step on the largest scale in the world and the number jumps around and displays your weight for all to see. I know it's part of the process to encourage these people to lose weight, but I don't think they really think about the shame and embarassment these people go through. So plain and simply, that's my reason for never, ever, never considering being a contestant on the show...

But call me a bitch (I don't care!)... as much as I'll never do it, I love to watch other people do it. LOL!!! I will never for the life of me understand why they make them wear the sports bras and biker shorts when they are freaking HUGE and then let them wear an oversized logo shirt and shorts when they've dropped 100 lbs!!! NBC is EVIL!!!! But it makes me giggle so I like it...

I have to give it up to the editing crew though because they don't show you all the stuff you know that happens when you work out vigorously.... for instance, you CANNOT put a 300 lb man on a treadmill and crank that bitch up to level 8 and NOT have him shit on himself. Why don't they ever show that?? I know it's happened! They only show the upper half of the people, grabbing on to the side of the treadmill, sweat pouring down their face, tears of pain, trainer screaming in their face... but you never see the clean up crew in the background mopping up shit around the treadmill. You got these people up there half naked, exposing themselves... what's a little boo boo down the leg gonna hurt?? I think it'll boost ratings!!! I know I'd watch it! Don't lie... you know you would too... =o)

But seriously, I do have to give a standing ovation to these people for getting on TV and doing the damn thing! They look great! And if I ever did get up enough nerve to go on the show, I think I would get voted off... simply because I like the drama... I'd probably plant a twinkie on someone while they were sleeping and yell "Ooooooh!!! Look at so-and-so!!!" I know my ass would get voted off real quick...

If you don't watch the Biggest Loser, check it out... it comes on tonight at 8 on NBC (evil whores).
Let me know what you think....

COMING SOON!!!!!

NORDSTROM'S RACK IS COMING TO OAKRIDGE MALL THIS FALL!!!!!

I can remember when Oakridge Mall was a boring little stip mall with a nasty movie theater in it... I don't know who Mr. Westfield is but I am so happy he bought all the malls and remodeled them. Oakridge needs it. I wish he would buy Westgate mall... No actually, I wish he would buy some land in Morgan Hill and build a mall!!! I would be the happiest b*tch on this planet! That would be on my list of best things ever thought of, right under "stretch jeans" but above "tampons"... One day, I'll share my list of best things ever thought of... compare it to your own list or add to mine...

Have a Happy Monday!!! Stay cool...it's going to be hot today!

I kinda like it...

Well today is my first day blogging. And I kinda like it.
Although, I haven't gotten any work done today but that's not just because of the blogging... we had a retirement potluck for an RN. It's probably one of the biggest potlucks I've ever been to... There was even a guest appearance from Elvis! I'm not normally an Elvis fan but I have a new found respect for this guy. He was dressed head to toe in Elvis gear. Which pretty much looked something Prince would wear just in size XXL. And he had the BIGGEST belt buckle I have ever seen in life. Which brings me back to the reason I have respect for him... the buckle rested against his penis and everytime he thrusted or shook his hips, the buckle slammed against it. And the man never flinched. Everyone enjoyed his music but I was watching to see how many times it was gonna take before he was doubling over in pain. I admit, he's a soldier... or he's a she. Whatever! It was a fun day....

Now... back to work!!!!

Booger Bacon

Ok... so I went to Safeway last night to get a few things for my mom cuz she is sick... well I've been so into the Twilight series that I was on my last few chapters of the last book. I wanted to finish and didn't want to cook dinner.... so I sent Jennae to the deli to get some sandwiches. Jennae had asked for a large sandwich but the lady made a small... when I got there I noticed it was a small and asked the lady if she could make another. She got a little huffy and repeated my question, "Another?" and I said yes. So she apologized to the lady behind me and yelled out for some help. She grabbed some bacon and threw it on to the wax paper to put in the microwave. Then she slightly turned her head and said "aaaachoo, aaaaachoo".... I wasn't too sure if she sneezed or not cuz she didn't really turn her head fully.... so I asked Jennae, "Did she sneeze?" and right when I said that the deli lady sniffled and sneezed again. So I said, "Excuse me, Ma'am. Yeah, thank you but I don't want the sandwich" And she said, "What? You don't want the sandwich?" And I said, "Well no because you sneezed and didn't cover your mouth. Once sneezes hit the air they spead and expand and I just don't think that's too sanitary" so she asked me if I wanted another and I said thank you but no... and as I walked away she mumbled some shit under her breath. It wasn't loud enough for me to hear but the ladies in line heard... one walked away with me and said, "I'm right behind you... that was disgusting and she was rude"... the other lady stayed. So I went to check out and I asked to speak to the manager... I was explaining to the manager what had happened when all of a sudden I see the lady that stayed in line come running across the store yelling, "YOU ARE LYING!!!!" She told the manager that she witnessed everything... here's how the conversation went.

Crazy lady: "She offered you another sandwich"
Me: "Yeah I said that but I lost my appetite because she sneezed and didn't cover her mouth"
Crazy lady: "She turned her head"
Me: "Well then you eat it"
Crazy lady: "I am!"
Me: "Good! Enjoy your booger bacon" and I waved my hand at her as if to scoot her away from me
Crazy lady: "I will"
Me: "Ok.. you can leave now" And then I started talking to the manager again and explained to her what had happened, then.....
Crazy lady: "THAT'S BULLSHIT!!!!"

I slammed down the ATM pen and got in her face (so close I could smell the booger bacon) and said, "Excuse me!!! I have kids here!!!" The manager and clerk had to split us up and walk the crazy lady back to the deli... I paid for my stuff. I don't even know how much it was... if people were smart they would have scooted their groceries over to my side and had me pay for them... I was so mad that when we got to the car I told Jennae to put Jayden in the trunk... I meant to say carseat... You should have seen Jennae's face when I said that.... I dug in my trunk for the tire iron but all I could find was the ice scraper for the windows. It'll do. I waited for the crazy lady for 10 minutes but she never came out the store.

Moral of the story.... don't fuck with a mom in front of her kids especially when she's hungry!!! (not hungry enough for booger bacon though) Don't trip, I got her face in my memory... When I see her again, it's going to be all bad.