2009- A bittersweet year

I'm always looking forward to happy endings and new beginnings.... Goodbye 2009.... Hello 2010!!!

I have been truly blessed this year. My girls are happy and healthy! Work is work but I'm happy to say that I'm employed. I really have no major complaints about 2009.

However, there have been some great losses in the entertainment industry. I grew up listening to Michael Jackson. Followed his career from the Jackson 5 till current. An icon will surely be missed around the world. RIP Michael Jackson. You're memory will live on forever. Along with Michael were other entertainers who went home to be with the Lord. My prayers go out to their families and friends.

Our local community experienced a serious fatality this year that I pray has opened the eyes to our youth about drinking and drugs. My prayer for 2010 is that they've learned from this and make better choices.

Well you all know me so it wouldn't be a good blog if I wasn't making someone giggle or smile.... so I was sent this poem from someone and I had to chuckle a little at the reflection of 2009. Enjoy....

Don't know the author, but too cute not to pass on.

Happy New Year Everyone!!!

Bigger is better!!!

I haven't blogged in a few months partially because I have been so busy and partially because my friends and I are in the process of making a blog website. It's going to be bigger and better... and have everything you need or would like to read regarding marriage, parenting, being a woman, etc.... so be on the look out for that... we are hoping to launch it soon!!

Vita Rain or Vita Pain??

I know I haven't posted in a while... and we'll get to that later... but I have to send a post out to everyone about Vita Rain from Kirkland (Costco). It's SUPPOSED to be like VitaminWater or Sobe Life Water.... and it's NOT!!!!

I got the Kiwi Strawberry bottled water... the label says it's going to boost essential electrolytes, it has B vitamins (which I really need) and it will maintain my body's fluid balance... well shit, sign me up!!! I cracked it open and took a big swig and almost choked!! It tastes exactly like Swish. And for those of you that don't know what Swish is... it's that nasty flouride the dentist gives us to "swish" around in our mouth and spit out... and that's exactly what I did...

Thank you Costco for providing us with a lower cost flavored water for us to drink but I don't mind paying a little more so that you can actually add FLAVOR to your "flavored" water!!! Just a suggestion.... my tastebuds are really mad at me right now!!!! To make it up to them, I bought a pineapple cupcake in the breakroom. Thanks for nothing Kirkland!!!

Taking Internet Games Too Far

How many of you are members of Facebook? Well I used to be... I loved to log in, chat with my friends, update my status (let the homies know what's been going on with me), and play a few games.

I first started playing FarmTown. LOVED IT!!! I give that game an A+.
FarmTown is a little agricultural haven where you actually have to grow, harvest and keep up your own farm. Like real to life farms, if you let it go without upkeep, it will die. You have animals that you take care of. When you harvest your crops, you can make money to buy things like ponds and houses. My friend, Kendal, has the best farm ever on that site. I love it!

Well I was then introduced to Sorority Life. At first, I didn't catch on to the concept of the game... plus I was a little embarrassed that I'm in my late 30's and playing a game called Sorority Life. Seemed so juvenile. Well I kept getting messages that someone sent me a "relaxed cardigan" or a "hybrid prius"... so I decided to log in one day and I found it very interesting. You have an avatar that represents you. So my avatar was named Deeeee Lish (D'Lish for short). Well D'Lish started out as a dog walker with very little money.... but I found out that if you "attack" people, you not only make them lose points but you take their money. And with their money you can buy clothes or cars or shoes and make yourself stronger to fight off people who attack you. Sounds fun, huh? So I recruited my girlfriends which made my Sorority House stronger and we were unbeatable from levels 10-25. Then one day we found out that not only can you "attack" other players you can also "slap" them. Now slapping isn't the same as attacking... when you attack, you have the possibility of getting something in return... when you slap, you just make that player mad.... literally! I would get messages from other players asking me "why in the hell did I just slap them" or "what did they do to me"? LMAO! You did nothing, it's just a game! So when I would see that they would get "real life" mad at me "pretend" slapping them, I would slap them 10 more times. This would set off an internet rage! They would rally up their cyber friends and gang up on you.

I happened to go on vacation recently and was not able to log on to the computer... mainly because I was on "vacation" and enjoying "real life". Well my friend text me and told me that a group of girls were attacking her on this game... so when I got home, I logged on to see. It was a war! Somehow they assumed I was slapping them so they were attacking me. Not only was I being attacked, I was being slapped and my name was written in the "burn book". Please note, the burn book is a place where you set a bounty for a certain player and other players take them down.... I believe it actually cost real $ to put someone in the burn book. There were 4 bounty's on me, none less than $103,000 each. Which probably cost the player $5 in real life money. But to put that money out for a game to destroy someone you don't even know is crazy! So the bounty's were set and players were going for it then they would send me messages like, "ohhh you're terminally depressed. I'll wait in line." or "You will burn all weekend for slapping me." Then they would message each other and say "Ok we got her. Maybe she'll learn from this." or "She'll be in here until she learns to play nice." ARE YOU KIDDING ME? They are playing this game as if it were real. So I would message them and say "You're taking this too seriously, It's just a game." So I decided that antagonizing these players wasn't fun anymore. I wasn't afraid of them, I just thought that it could have been a 12 year old that I'm sitting here fighting with. And that's not cool.

Well my friend text me again this morning and said that she logged on to her computer and that the game was getting scarier. The threats were worse and the way these people talked, it seemed that they lived for this game. I logged on and saw that I had been attacked a few times when my computer was shut down... I don't let it get to me because it's just a game. I logged into FarmTown to play a little bit and once I did a warning screen came up and said that my computer was being hacked for passwords and security information. I immediately shut my whole facebook profile down. These players took the game way too far! Hacking into someone's computer because they cyber slapped you?? Are you fucking kidding me? And I had to use the f word because that's how idiotic this is... I will be reporting this to Facebook and Playdom... in the meantime, be careful on these computer games!

New Moon- I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

So far the trailer is just how I pictured it to be when reading the book. Mark your calendars! This is going to be a blockbuster in the theaters!

Pet Peeves (I hate it when....)

I was driving home today and came to a 4 way stop... and a man did something that made me cringe.. and I thought to myself, "Ooooh I hate it when people do that"

My friend, Lakethia, recently blogged about her favorite things(http://www.motherhoodtyfamnty.blogspot.com/)... unfortunately, I'm doing the opposite.

I hate it when... you come to a 4 way stop and clearly have the right of way and someone waves you to go as if they are doing you a favor!

I hate it when... you go to Panda Express and have to order in Spanish.

I hate it when... someone does something nice for you and suggests you repay with something way more expensive and elaborate. Example, my friend bought me a bottle of water and said I can repay her with a round of drinks in Vegas. I slapped down a dollar and paid for my own water.

I hate it when... you ask a simple question and get a long winded answer!

I hate it when... you get behind someone with WIC coupons at the grocery store.

I hate it when... you see a welfare recipient in a better car than yours rollin on mo-mo's.

I hate it when... your baby daddy's girlfriend tries to be your friend.

I hate it when... people think it's cute when their baby visits your table at a restaurant. Go sit down, Junior!!!

I hate it when... you get reprimanded for being a few minutes late to work and NEVER get praised for being a few minutes early. WTF?

I hate it when... someone asks what nationality you are and then tells you what they thought you were. Then why did you ask, asshole?

I hate it when... you go in for a pedicure and they start suggesting you need something else. "Ohh, you want wax?".... "No"... "Ohhh, you should get wax"... There goes your tip, Phuc.

I hate it when... you have to guess what pastries they have at a Starbucks drive thru window. List that shit!!!

I hate it when... the dumb clerk at the store give you more change that what you're supposed to get and your conscience kicks in. Dammit!

I hate it when... people pronounce the H in Rihanna.

I hate it when... my kids have to look at the McDonalds menu like something has changed. Same shit, just order.

I hate it when... someone calls you at 1 AM and has the nerve to ask you, "Oh were you sleeping?" What the hell?!?

I hate it when... you get re-gifted.

I hate it when... people don't use spell check.

But I do love it when people read my blogs and get a little giggle from it. Thanks for visiting everyone!!

The Melting Pot

Hey Guys - It's finally here at The San Mateo Melting Pot.....our first Sierra Nevada Beer Dinner on June 16th. We will have a great 3 course dinner paired with a Porter, Summerfest and Torpedo Ale. Afterwards, we will head out on the patio for an after dinner drink and a nice cigar.

The price is $59 per person and will be held on every 3rd Tuesday of the month.

It's wine dinner time. We will have our 1st world wine dinner on June 25th. We will feature 3 courses paired with 3 wines from Europe and an after dinner Port for $59 per person. We will continue to have one wine dinner each month on the 4th Thursday of each month.

Please call for the special Father's Day Menu at The San Mateo Melting Pot at 650-342-6358 to reserve your table.

Scramblz Diner

For all of you with kids.... this is the diner for you- Scramblz Diner in Morgan Hill.

The atmosphere is 50's Diner style.... they have all the toys from when we were little hanging above you or on the wall. The decor is fun for the kids to look at... keeps them busy till the food comes.

The food is very comparable to Denny's... casual restaurant, great portions, and reasonably priced... but Scramblz just hung a sign outside saying KIDS EAT FREE AFTER 3 PM EVERYDAY!

Everyday?? Everyday!!! Not just on Tuesdays?? No Everyday!!!

So if you're a family on a budget this is the place for you... and if your kid asks, "Can Robbie come too?" All you have to say is, "How old is he?"... "10".... "OF COURSE Robbie can come!!!"

Not only are you taking them some place fun to eat... you're looking like a cool parent as well... I rate this as a WW (win/win).

Visit Scrambl'z
775 E. Dunne Ave.
Morgan Hill
Just off the 101 & E. Dunne Ave.

Rollin with my Catheter

So I closed down the "chocolate factory" in December 2008... for those of you that don't know what the "chocolate factory" is... it's Me. I make the cutest chocolate drops (babies)... They first come out looking like white chocolate and as they get older, they start to look more cocoa.

Well I had my tubes tied... actually I had a semi-new procedure done called the Essure. It's where they laparoscopically enter the uterus and spring some coil into each fallopian tube. Boom, bam and you're done... I was under for about 45 min. (However, they are learning how to do this with a local anesthesia) After they spring the coils in you have to wait 3 months and then go back and have an ultrasound to make sure everything closed up and you're good to go...

Well I missed my 3 month follow up appt so they rescheduled me for today. My doctor works out of 2 offices... so here is what I have to do... I have to see him at one office where he will insert a catheter... I then have to hop off his table (with the catheter in), waddle to my car (with the catheter in), drive 30 min to his other office (with the cather in) to have the ultrasound done. So I asked him how am I supposed to be mobile with this thing hanging out of my goodies... he said he was going to put surgical tape there to hold it in place. (Oh Man, I wish I would have shaved today!!!!)

So wish me luck, blogging peeps!!! I have a feeling I'm in for an adventure today!!!!

Get to know me......

What time did you get up this morning? 5:30 AM
Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds
What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Earth
What is your favorite TV show? The Hills (I know... so sue me!)
What do you usually have for breakfast? Toothpaste
What is your middle name? Patrice
What food do you dislike? Brussel Sprouts!!!
What is your favorite CD at the moment? Sheeesh! Haven't we evolved to iTunes??
What kind of car do you drive? A Hooptie 5000 Limited Edition
Favorite sandwich? Turkey/Avacado
What characteristic do you despise? Oh I can't stand Cruella De Vil.... oh characteristic... Ummm... Stupidity
Favorite item of clothing? Period Panties aka Granny Panties
If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Intercourse, Al... no joke it's an actual city...
Favorite brand of clothing? Goodwill Couture
Where would you retire to? Intercourse, Al
What was your most recent memorable birthday? 30th... I'll blog about that one day.
Favorite sport to watch? The Center for the Blind Water Polo Games
Farthermost place you are sending this? Intercourse, Al
When is your birthday? Everyday!!!!
Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? I love to BLOG!!!
What did you want to be when you were little? A whale trainer
How are you today? Super sleepy... see question 1
What is your favorite candy? The one that you can eat a lot of, tastes great and won't gain weight!!! Let me know when it's invented!!!
What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? P-p-p-payday!!!!
What are you listening to right now? A coworker that has a mean twang... I think she's from Intercourse, Al.... I wish she would shut up!!!
What was the last thing you ate? A booger... no tissue available...
If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Pewter
How is the weather right now? Too nice to be at work
The first person you spoke to on the phone today? My friendly neighborhood bill collector
Favorite restaurant? It's now Gordon Biersch... garlic fries and hard lemonades will have you smelling like a indian hobo the next day!!!
Real hair color? Hold on... let me check the bush...
What was your favorite toy as a child? BIG WHEEL!!!!
What is under your bed? Scary monsters!!!!
What are you afraid of ? Sharks, herpes, clowns and long toenails... in no particular order.
Salty or sweet? Hmmmm, what are we talking about??




Happy Wednesday everybody!!! 2 more days till Friday!!!!

Hip Hop Craze Show

Hip Hop Craze Annual Fundraiser Show!!!

Don't miss it!!!

Friday, May 29th @ Sobrato High School in Morgan Hill. Show starts at 7 pm.

The Bay Area's Best Hip Hop Dance Crew will be putting on a show for everyone. Tickets are just $10!!!

Hip Hop Craze has performed on or with:

BET's 106th & Park

Too Short

Supreme Soul

Bay Area BARS Awards

and more....

Get your tickets today!!

I love Hot Cheetos??

So my mini me, Jayden, has been asking me for hot cheetos for over a week now. I guess she overheard someone talking about hot cheetos or maybe she saw someone eating them, I don't know.... but every time we pass a convenience store or go to the grocery store, she's yelling out for hot cheetos. I keep telling her that she's not gonna like hot cheetos but her rebuttle is "yah-huh". I guess that means she will. Well I didn't give in to buying them until today. We had to run into 7-11 and there she goes, asking for hot cheetos. Once again I told her that she's not gonna like them to pick something else... but she insisted that she LOVES hot cheetos and really wanted them. So I let her pick out a bag of hot cheetos... while she was doing that, I walked over to the slurpee machine because I knew that was going to come in handy too.

We get to the car and before I could buckle her in, she's shoving the bag in my face saying "Open this for me, Mommy"... I got in and then opened the bag for her... she thrust her little chubby hand in the bag and pulled out a long, fire engine red hot cheetos. She looked at it for a second and thrust it in her mouth... I was watching her in my rear view mirror... she coughed, cleared her throat and shoved another in her mouth. Coughed again, cleared her throat a couple of times and now her eyes are starting to water... put another hot cheetos in her mouth, coughed, cleared, eyes watering and nose running... I couldn't help but giggle... this went on for a few minutes... about 7 cheetos in, I knew she had just had it. She looked a mess! I thought I was going to have to pull over and put her mouth in front of a fire hydrant. She caught me looking at her and as stubborn as she is, she wasn't going to prove me right. Instead, she yells "Deeeeee-LISH-ous!!! I'm going to save some for NayNay." And she rolled up the top of the bag and handed them to me... without saying a word to her, I handed her the slurpee... I don't know what went faster, the redness from her eyes or the slurpee...

She hasn't asked for the remaining hot cheetos.... and I don't think she will.... but her and I both know that I was right.

These words....

My 2 year old.... God love her.... tries her best to pronounce words. They come out just wrong but they are so cute!

She loves ice cream. It's her favorite dessert... but when she's really excited, it comes out like this, "Mommy! After I eat all my food, can I get some ass cream?" So I'll ask her is she sure she would like some "ass" cream... she nods her head excitedly and repeats it. "Yes Mommy, I want chocolate ass cream!!!" I think it just sounds funnier because she really doesn't realize she's saying it wrong... and I'm a horrible mom not to correct her. :)

Tonight at dinner she kept telling me that she's done with her "specialables" (vegetables). Although she can name each and every vegetable correctly, she can't pronounce the word that puts them all together. So I asked her to eat just a few of her "specialables" because that would make her a "special" girl. She agreed.

These type of things that make me love being a mom and love having such wonderful children with unique personalities.

Well she just bit her tongue jumping up and down trying dance, so I guess that means this blog is over.... for now.

Walk of Shames

We've all done it... don't deny it.... Everyone has had their own versions of the "walk of shame".

Well I've done a little research and here are the top 5 walk of shames....

#5 Drunken Walk of Shame- When you have to face your friends after being so drunk you don’t remember what you did or who you did it with, but all you know is that you smell like vomit and everyone is shaking their heads.

#4 Dressing Room Walk of Shame- When you have to walk back out of the dressing room to get a bigger size because you could have SWORN you were a size 5.

#3 Job Walk of Shame- When you're escorted off the premises when you've been fired from a job because they're afraid you'll go off.

#2 Roller Coaster Walk of Shame- Occurs at amusement parks when a guest doesn't fit on a ride and they are asked to get off.

#1 the classic Poo Poo Walk of Shame- When you take a big crap in a public restroom, and you forget to give other patrons a courtesy flush, and it stinks up the whole restroom/The trip from the stall to the sink, then out to the hall after taking a monster dump.

Happy Hump Day!

Hypochondriac

I haven't blogged in a few days... this has been a crazy week for me. Here's a little info about me... I work in a clinic. I have been working in the healthcare industry for over 12 years. Why? It pays the bills... because if it didn't, I'd be GONE!!! I'm am the biggest hypochondriac known to man. You have a cold.... I can instantly feel a fever coming on. You have the flu.... I got a stomach ache. A friend of mine called me and told me her daughter had mono.... my throat instantly closed up. I went and got checked because a friend of mine told me she knew someone who had an STD. Whatever it is, I immediately get the symptoms. I have no idea why I haven't been fired yet.

So it's all over the media.... Swine Flu... aka H1N1.... aka what the hell and how can I avoid it? I was out of work for two days (due to something else) but when I get back to work, I had a swarm of emails talking about the swine flu... the more I read... the more symptoms I developed. By the time I had cleared out my Inbox, I was unable to breathe and I was on my way to get my 2 year old out of daycare. I didn't go back to work that day.... But when I did go back, the parking lot was full. I knew exactly what that was from... people were here because they had symptoms or thought they had symptoms... so I entered the building from the back. I passed by 2 patients on my way to the entrance and wondered if they noticed I held my breath until I was about 20 ft away. I almost passed out!!!

My boss made an announcement that we are being given "special face masks" to wear should we come in contact with a patient with a positive result. I put that thing on right away!! I don't even work with the direct public but I didn't care. I honestly wanted a mask that went over my whole head and pumped in oxygen. I don't care if I sounded like Darth Vader!!! Give it to me!!! Sure enough I started getting symptoms by Friday. I knew it was all in my head but I sat at my desk all day on Friday with my mask on and the only time I would take it off was to take my temperature. I know everyone that passed my cubicle thought I was all the way crazy!

Now I'm contemplating calling in crazy on Monday to work... I don't think I will be able to keep a sane mind! I am the person that puts 4-5 seat covers on the toilet... I am the person that flushes the toilet with my foot... I am the person that washes her hands, opens the bathroom door with a paper towel AND uses the antibacterial gel.... I am a Hypochondriac!

Please comment this blog and tell me how you handle it?? =o)

What NOT to do when panicking!!!

1. Talk to random people... you end up crying and they think you're more crazy than what you really are.

2. Get in a car and drive... the car next to you see's you all puffy eyed and snot nose and stares at you the whole time you're on 101.

3. CALL YOUR BABY DADDY!... this gives him ammunition to take your ass back to court and get custody of the kids.

4. Make eye contact with the police... you will get pulled over and have to do a sobriety test which makes you cry more!

and last but not least...

5. Start laughing during the middle of a panic attack... You can text your friends goodbye becauswe you're now on a 72 hour EPS watch.

So I will be blogging in 3 days or so.... Have a good one!

Today feels like a Monday

I ripped my pants in the booty today on my way to work. Right down the middle. I had to go home and change. That's how my day started and it hasn't gotten better. And that's all I have to say about today. Glad it's almost over.

Movie Reviews

In Theaters
Earth- Rated G

A+

This movie is perfect for all ages. It is narrated by James Earl Jones. It will make you laugh and cry. Disney did a wonderful job capturing this wildlife up close and personal. You get a view of all different types of animals, from the small bird to the gigantic whales. And Disney never ceases to amaze the audience with beautiful scenery from around the world. It had some scenes in there that dealt with death, however, it was appropriate for the younger audience. I definitely recommend this movie as a must see.

On DVD or HBO

Death Sentence- Rated R

C-

This movie was about a man who took revenge on a gang that killed his son for a gang initiation. The dad, Kevin Bacon, played a square bear in the movie and single handily took out a well known notorious gang. Great plot, just a little too unrealistic for me. He started out in the movie wearing a suit and tie and ended in the movie wearing all black and he shaved his head looking like a cross between a chemo patient and a lesbian with a butch cut. After he took out all the members of this gang, he himself was shot a few times, so he sat on a bench to rest... the gang leader was also shot and sat on the bench next to him. As they're panting and bleeding, Kevin Bacon took out another gun and asked him if he was ready and the gang leader bowed his head and cried. You've got to be kidding me! But it had a sufficient amount of blood and guts. This movie will definitely have you saying "Oh snap!" or "Watch out, Run!!" through the whole movie. Only recommend this movie if there is nothing else on TV or your boyfriend is tired of chick flicks.

Date Night

I have a date tonight!!! And it's with one of the most beautiful people I know... My daughter, Jayden. I can't wait!!! We're going to the movies to see Earth. I will let you all know how it is...



Have a great day!!

NBC is EVIL!!!!

I don't know if any of you are fans of the Biggest Loser like I am. I wouldn't say I am a diehard fan but I like to watch it when I can. I was asked one time if I would ever be a contestant on the show... and my answer was HELL NO!!!! They asked me why and here is my reason....



The Biggest Loser puts these people who are weighing in the high 200's to mid 300's in sports bras and biker shorts. What the hell were these producers thinking?? Talk about strip you of your dignity!!! There is no amount of money- NONE- that would get me to go on national television in biker shorts and a sports bra!!!! And the men are worse... they are in fitted basketball shorts and NO SHIRT!!! And 100% of them have dick-do (when their belly's stick out further than their dick do). Just plain nasty! So after degrading them a little, they have them step on the largest scale in the world and the number jumps around and displays your weight for all to see. I know it's part of the process to encourage these people to lose weight, but I don't think they really think about the shame and embarassment these people go through. So plain and simply, that's my reason for never, ever, never considering being a contestant on the show...

But call me a bitch (I don't care!)... as much as I'll never do it, I love to watch other people do it. LOL!!! I will never for the life of me understand why they make them wear the sports bras and biker shorts when they are freaking HUGE and then let them wear an oversized logo shirt and shorts when they've dropped 100 lbs!!! NBC is EVIL!!!! But it makes me giggle so I like it...

I have to give it up to the editing crew though because they don't show you all the stuff you know that happens when you work out vigorously.... for instance, you CANNOT put a 300 lb man on a treadmill and crank that bitch up to level 8 and NOT have him shit on himself. Why don't they ever show that?? I know it's happened! They only show the upper half of the people, grabbing on to the side of the treadmill, sweat pouring down their face, tears of pain, trainer screaming in their face... but you never see the clean up crew in the background mopping up shit around the treadmill. You got these people up there half naked, exposing themselves... what's a little boo boo down the leg gonna hurt?? I think it'll boost ratings!!! I know I'd watch it! Don't lie... you know you would too... =o)

But seriously, I do have to give a standing ovation to these people for getting on TV and doing the damn thing! They look great! And if I ever did get up enough nerve to go on the show, I think I would get voted off... simply because I like the drama... I'd probably plant a twinkie on someone while they were sleeping and yell "Ooooooh!!! Look at so-and-so!!!" I know my ass would get voted off real quick...

If you don't watch the Biggest Loser, check it out... it comes on tonight at 8 on NBC (evil whores).
Let me know what you think....

COMING SOON!!!!!

NORDSTROM'S RACK IS COMING TO OAKRIDGE MALL THIS FALL!!!!!

I can remember when Oakridge Mall was a boring little stip mall with a nasty movie theater in it... I don't know who Mr. Westfield is but I am so happy he bought all the malls and remodeled them. Oakridge needs it. I wish he would buy Westgate mall... No actually, I wish he would buy some land in Morgan Hill and build a mall!!! I would be the happiest b*tch on this planet! That would be on my list of best things ever thought of, right under "stretch jeans" but above "tampons"... One day, I'll share my list of best things ever thought of... compare it to your own list or add to mine...

Have a Happy Monday!!! Stay cool...it's going to be hot today!

I kinda like it...

Well today is my first day blogging. And I kinda like it.
Although, I haven't gotten any work done today but that's not just because of the blogging... we had a retirement potluck for an RN. It's probably one of the biggest potlucks I've ever been to... There was even a guest appearance from Elvis! I'm not normally an Elvis fan but I have a new found respect for this guy. He was dressed head to toe in Elvis gear. Which pretty much looked something Prince would wear just in size XXL. And he had the BIGGEST belt buckle I have ever seen in life. Which brings me back to the reason I have respect for him... the buckle rested against his penis and everytime he thrusted or shook his hips, the buckle slammed against it. And the man never flinched. Everyone enjoyed his music but I was watching to see how many times it was gonna take before he was doubling over in pain. I admit, he's a soldier... or he's a she. Whatever! It was a fun day....

Now... back to work!!!!

Booger Bacon

Ok... so I went to Safeway last night to get a few things for my mom cuz she is sick... well I've been so into the Twilight series that I was on my last few chapters of the last book. I wanted to finish and didn't want to cook dinner.... so I sent Jennae to the deli to get some sandwiches. Jennae had asked for a large sandwich but the lady made a small... when I got there I noticed it was a small and asked the lady if she could make another. She got a little huffy and repeated my question, "Another?" and I said yes. So she apologized to the lady behind me and yelled out for some help. She grabbed some bacon and threw it on to the wax paper to put in the microwave. Then she slightly turned her head and said "aaaachoo, aaaaachoo".... I wasn't too sure if she sneezed or not cuz she didn't really turn her head fully.... so I asked Jennae, "Did she sneeze?" and right when I said that the deli lady sniffled and sneezed again. So I said, "Excuse me, Ma'am. Yeah, thank you but I don't want the sandwich" And she said, "What? You don't want the sandwich?" And I said, "Well no because you sneezed and didn't cover your mouth. Once sneezes hit the air they spead and expand and I just don't think that's too sanitary" so she asked me if I wanted another and I said thank you but no... and as I walked away she mumbled some shit under her breath. It wasn't loud enough for me to hear but the ladies in line heard... one walked away with me and said, "I'm right behind you... that was disgusting and she was rude"... the other lady stayed. So I went to check out and I asked to speak to the manager... I was explaining to the manager what had happened when all of a sudden I see the lady that stayed in line come running across the store yelling, "YOU ARE LYING!!!!" She told the manager that she witnessed everything... here's how the conversation went.

Crazy lady: "She offered you another sandwich"
Me: "Yeah I said that but I lost my appetite because she sneezed and didn't cover her mouth"
Crazy lady: "She turned her head"
Me: "Well then you eat it"
Crazy lady: "I am!"
Me: "Good! Enjoy your booger bacon" and I waved my hand at her as if to scoot her away from me
Crazy lady: "I will"
Me: "Ok.. you can leave now" And then I started talking to the manager again and explained to her what had happened, then.....
Crazy lady: "THAT'S BULLSHIT!!!!"

I slammed down the ATM pen and got in her face (so close I could smell the booger bacon) and said, "Excuse me!!! I have kids here!!!" The manager and clerk had to split us up and walk the crazy lady back to the deli... I paid for my stuff. I don't even know how much it was... if people were smart they would have scooted their groceries over to my side and had me pay for them... I was so mad that when we got to the car I told Jennae to put Jayden in the trunk... I meant to say carseat... You should have seen Jennae's face when I said that.... I dug in my trunk for the tire iron but all I could find was the ice scraper for the windows. It'll do. I waited for the crazy lady for 10 minutes but she never came out the store.

Moral of the story.... don't fuck with a mom in front of her kids especially when she's hungry!!! (not hungry enough for booger bacon though) Don't trip, I got her face in my memory... When I see her again, it's going to be all bad.